


My Heart Is His

by valkyriefowl



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 18:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14431206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriefowl/pseuds/valkyriefowl
Summary: Simon's first kiss was about as magical as he could have asked for, but sometimes it's hard to ask for more.





	My Heart Is His

He’s been thinking about it too much since it happened. The first kisses, when they both felt invincible. The Ferris Wheel had slowly made its way back around, and after a few more turns it had stopped for the night, and Simon found himself bombarded by his friends. Abby barrelled into him, quickly followed by Leah and Nick. All arms and excited yells. He squeezed them all back, but quickly extracted himself, looking over to the side of the wheel. Garrett and Bram had their heads bent together, and as Garrett noticed Simon making his way over he whispered something to Bram, who looked away and blushed a deep red.

“Good job, bro.” He heard Garrett whisper as he lightly punches Bram’s arm, before he walked over to Nick and the others, leaving Bram and Simon alone.  
“You’re so cute when you’re blushing,” Simon said without really thinking about it.  
“Really?” Bram asked, turning his head away and running his hand along his jaw. Simon resisted the urge kiss him again. Not in front of everyone. Not without talking first. Not so soon.  
“Yeah,” He said, and this time Bram let out a soft laugh and elbowed Simon gently. Simon felt a little bad, he couldn’t stop staring at Bram. It felt like the first time he’d really seen him, but once he started thinking about it, connecting Blue and Bram started to make more sense.

He wasn’t until Bram caught his eye that he realised he’d been staring, but Bram smiled gently, softly, and Simon realised that he had been staring too. He took a deep breath and asked the thing he’d been think of since they’d stepped off the Ferris Wheel.

“Do you want me to drive you home, maybe?”

Their next kisses had happened not an hour after the first, over the console. Their nose bumped and teeth clacked and their breaths were fast and shaky, as they tried to get as close as possible in the cramped front seats. He’d never felt so right and so alive as he did at that moment. Bram had tasted of cotton candy, and his hair was coarse under Simon’s hands and he never wanted to stop. Simon was about to stop as ask if Bram wanted to move into the back seat, but the phone in his pocket vibrated before he could voice his question. He cursed internally and pulled back to check his phone.

"It's my mom, she wants me back home," he said, smiling apologetically at Bram. He nodded, and Simon leant back in for a quick peck.  
"Do you wanna choose the music? The aux cord's in the glove box." He fumbled for his key in his pocket, hands still shaking and heart still racing from the leftover adrenaline, and the thrill of kissing a boy for the first time. He turned the car on and saw Bram's goofy, lovestruck smile as he selected a slow song that Simon had never heard before. As he pulled out of the car park he reached over to hold Bram's hand. He was still smiling like a fool when he got home, but his mom was kind enough not to mention it.

In retrospect, Simon was glad they hadn’t sat in the back. He had a feeling the night would have gone very differently.

Everything changed after that night, and Simon was overjoyed. Now he had a boyfriend, a cute boyfriend, who sat in his front seat. Who he bought coffee for in the mornings. Who kissed him without shame in front of their friends (who faked disgust, but Simon knew were beaming with happiness). Who he sat with at lunch, hands linked under the table, and who always saved a seat for him on the couch in English. Who Simon loved with all of his heart.

Who he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing.

In the back of his mind, in the logical part, Simon knew that he was being scared of nothing. Bram and Simon’s parents both had the same overbearingly supportive attitude, enforcing the open door policy with kind smiles. But the open doors wouldn’t have stopped them at either house. There was plenty of privacy in both rooms, and everyone who came up the hallway made effort to announce their presence with enough warning for the two boys to untangle from each other. And it wasn’t as though Simon didn’t want to. It was almost, in fact, as if he wanted it so much that he was afraid to ask so he didn’t scare Bram away.

**> ⏐**

The cursor of the messenger app in his phone blinked at him. The words were on the tip of his tongue, so why couldn’t he just… say them?

 **> ⏐**  
**> hey, baby xx**  
_No, that’s too…_

Cliche? Hetero?

 **> hey bram, the love of my life, the sun to my moon, the man ** i **lo**  
_No, nope,_ waaaaaay _too much_

 **> hey** **bram, my parents are at a work dinner this friday and nora is at her friends house. do you wanna maybe come over?**

Half a week later Bram knocks on the front door, and Simon appears on the other side not a minute later. His eyes are wide, and he breaks into a blinding smile as he throws himself into Bram’s arms. He’d think it was a dream if it wasn’t for a hello whispered under Simon’s breath. Simon pulls his head away from Bram’s shoulder, and they stand like that for a minute on the doorstep, drinking in the sight of each other. Simon’s arms are still over Bram’s shoulders, and Bram is holding him tight around his waist. He feels so solid in his arms, and Bram’s heart swells.

They end up watching a movie, a bowl of extra buttery popcorn balancing on Simon’s legs where they are draped over Bram’s lap. Simon’s head is resting on his chest, and Bram can hardly concentrate on the movie. It’s an action comedy, something Simon picked out that Bram had heard of but never got around to watching. He’s much too focused on the boy in his arms.

On screen, the attractive, muscular hero is training in a room, and his abs and arms are highlighted by the sweat and lights delicately shining on them. Simon hums appreciatively, and Bram would give anything to see his face.  
“I can see why you like this movie so much,” he murmurs under the sounds of grunts and punching and Simon groans.  
“You sound just like my mom.” He whispers. The tips of his ears are red, and something in Bram’s chest wishes he could kiss the burning skin behind those ears. But he pushes the urge down and presses a careful kiss to the top of Simon’s head.

The movie ends, and Bram didn’t take in a single second of it. Simon cheers as the credits roll, and Bram laughs.  
“What? It was a good movie!” Simon says, turning around to face Bram. From this angle, Simon can see his jaw and the junction of his neck, and he wishes he was brave enough to kiss it. Instead, he says:  
“Do you want to go stargazing?”

Bram blinks in surprise, and the corners of his mouth can’t help but quirk even further upwards.  
“What, outside now?”  
“I mean, yeah. It’s a beautiful night and we’ve been cooped up inside for an hour and a half. Might as well?” He stands up and holds his hand out. The sight of Simon, backlit by the TV and grinned sleepily, sends a shiver down Bram’s spine, So he takes his hand, and lets himself be dragged outside.

Bram points out the Big Dipper and Orion’s belt, and Simon pulls the rug out from under him by having a surprising amount of knowledge of the constellations. He points out all 12 of the zodiacs and guides Simon’s hand to his own star sign, Scorpio.  
“Did you know that Scorpio and Capricorn are really good matches?” Bram asks, moving his head to look at Simon. He isn’t paying attention, still trying to connect the two constellations. The sight of this boy, this beautiful boy not a few feet away and all his takes Bram’s breath away. How did he get so lucky?

“Actually I, ugh, had something I wanted to tell you.”  
“Yeah?” He replies, on the tail end of a breath. Simon stares up at the stars, but his brow is furrowed, and he huffs out a breath.  
“Sorry, I guess I’m just scared to say it out loud.”

Bram blinks.  
“You’re… scared? Of what?”  
Simon groans, covering his face with his hands and turning away onto his shoulder. The lights from the street are faint, but the light from the lounge provide enough light that Bram can see how pink Simon’s ears are.  
“I’m scared of you.” He mumbles, and Bram reaches over to grab his hand. He planned in his head to move it so he can see Simon’s pretty red face, but once he grabs it Simon’s fingers lace with his, and he suddenly doesn’t want to let go.  
“But why would you be scared of me?” Bram whispers.  
“Because you’re so… amazing. And I feel like I’m not enough, or whatever. Like… there’s a disconnect from the Bram that I thought I knew and the Bram that I fell-”  
He suddenly stops, and he turns his face away.  
“-that I emailed. Even though there’s not! I just-”  
“Simon. Simon!” Bram squeezes his hand, and Simon lets out a deep breath. “You’re rambling. Whatever it is, it’s gonna be ok. You know that I’m crazy about you. There is literally nothing you could say right now that would make me feel any different.”  
He turns over, and Simon takes his other hand off his eyes. The sight of Simon’s eyes with the moonlight reflected in them looking straight into his almost frightens him off. Almost makes him stop talking.

But then he thinks of the years he spent not looking Simon in his beautiful eyes, and not talking to him with his friends. Of Garrett's teasing after he came out. Of the feeling he felt just after he’d told his dad. The relief, and the weight he hadn't realised he was carrying being lifted from his shoulders. And he decides to keep talking.

“I’ve liked you for years. And I’m not going to stop because of whatever you wanna tell me.”

Simon’s whole face shifts into an expression that Bram’s never seen but sends shivers down his spine. And, suddenly Bram’s being pulled down. Simon’s hands aren’t in his anymore, wrapped around his back instead. He takes a second to process the movement and buries his head in Simon’s neck. He can hear a shaky breath leave Simon’s lips and, if he were a braver man, he’d leave countless kisses right there, in the sensitive skin of his neck. It doesn’t feel real yet, like one of those dreams he was plagued by when he first started figuring out that Simon was Jacques. That kept him up all night.

But this isn’t a dream. This is real, and he really is wrapped up tight in Simon and his surprisingly strong grip. They lie there, and Bram wonders if Simon feels as right in his skin as he does. It feels so right, pressed up against his chest, held so firmly and carefully in his arms. Bram never thought he’d get this, never in high school at least, but here he is.

He gently pushes himself up onto his elbows, so he can actually see Simon. He’s still draped across Simon’s chest, and he can feel the rise and fall of each of his breaths. The rest of the world spins off, unimportant, as he smiles down.

“So what did you want to tell me?”

Simon’s eyes widen, but before he can pull away Bram moves his arm, rests his weight on his elbow so he can trace trembling fingers down his forehead, and the side of his face. His hand cups his ear, gently rubbing Simon’s cheekbones. He smiles, and Simon’s eyes dart down to his lips. If he hadn’t been staring in the first place he would have missed it in this light. But he sees it, and something pulls in his heart, something that makes his smile tilt and his eyebrow quirk up.

“Hmm?”  
“Why do you have to be so fucking hot?” Simon murmurs before he closes his eyes and lifts his head up to capture Bram’s lips.

Their first few kisses had happened in quick succession. With people watching they had been quick, chaste and almost close-mouthed. When Bram had unwillingly pulled away after the first one, hands shaking where they were clutching his jeans. He’d expected nothing else from Simon, who had already been through so much. But they locked eyes, fell back together again, and everything else melted away for those precious seconds. He’d thought about those kisses a lot since then. Too much, until they seemed too good to be true.

This kiss is completely different. It’s slow, careful, their lips moving softly against each other. Their noses bump gently together, making Bram giggle as he lifts his head up, eyes fluttering open. Simon shivers at the air on his lips and the cold of the night, and Bram’s falling back down, back into Simon’s orbit. Simon’s hands cup the back of his neck and his head, holding Bram close, and Bram sifts his fingers into Simon’s ruffled up hair. The world seems to have fallen away, and all Bram can hear is their shaky breaths, and the small choked noise that falls from Simon as he gently bites down on his bottom lip. Simon freezes up when he realises that he just made that noise, nose and cheeks and ears and neck still blushing pink, but Bram does it again, and he feels like the sun is bursting from his chest.

It’s only when Simon smiles goofily against Bram’s mouth and sits himself up for air that he realises how long they’d been out there on the lawn for.

“It’s not fair, you’ve got way more puff than I have,” he whispers, and Bram can feel his breathing against his own stuttering chest.  
“Do I now?” Bram grins, and Simon groans and flops back down on the grass.  
“You know what I mean!” He says, and neither of them can help but laugh.  
“So, what was it you wanted to say to me?” Bram asks, his head on Simon’s chest.  
“I wanted to kiss you again, but I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud.”  
“Did you not hear me before? Why would I not want to kiss you again?”  
“I dunno. I guess I just was… scared? Of acting on my feelings because last year I wouldn’t have been able to do this and so, therefore, it feels like I’m still being held back by the same barriers?”  
Simon went quiet, aware that he had just been rambling.

“Simon.”  
“Yeah?” His voice was quiet.  
“Where the hell did that come from?”  
Simon chuckled, a sound that Bram felt more than heard.  
“Well, my mom’s a therapist and I kind of… I don’t know… asked her for advice? That sounds weird, sorry.”  
“You asked your therapist mom for advice on how to kiss your boyfriend?” Bram asked, smiling.  
“No! I don’t need that much help, do I? I asked her about why I felt so weird about people knowing about me and she said it’s because I’ve been wanting this for so long and now that I finally have it, it still feels like I shouldn’t. But not that I shouldn’t, or that I don’t, because you know how I-”  
“Simon.” Simon cut his rambling off with a quick breath.  
“I get it. It’s too good to be true, but it is true.”  
Simon exhaled slowly, and Bram moved to rest his chin between Simon’s ribs.  
“I’m here and you’re here, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  
Simon’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, and Bram suddenly darts up to kiss him. It’s just a quick peck, but both of them pull back smiling. Bram sits up.  
“As much as I love lying here kissing you, it’s kind of getting really cold. Could we maybe?” He flicks his head back to the house. Simon nods, and stands, pulling Bram up with him. Simon darts back again, kissing Bram once, twice, before sliding his hand down to hold Bram’s.

Bram lifts his hand to up kiss the thumb, and each knuckle. His eyes never leave Simon's, and it's his turn to blush when Simon smiles confidently back at him. They pause for a second, simply looking at each other's faces, before Simon starts pulling Bram back towards the house.

“Eager, are we Spier?” Bram chuckles. Simon laughs, and tugs at his hand harder.


End file.
